there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
