Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
