Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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