You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
