grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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