Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
