Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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