You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
