You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
