Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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