So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
