I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
