I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
