i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
