then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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