Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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