in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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