She said her name was "party"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
His nipple licking is glorious
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