okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
