When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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