Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
