The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
