My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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