she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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