$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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