so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
