i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
