she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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