just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
