I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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