Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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