Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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