mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
