Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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