I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
