spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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