like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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