I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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