Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
These tits shall not be calmed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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