Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
