I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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