I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
