you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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