I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
