I hate all girls vehemently.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
