and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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