Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
