just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
