I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
