Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
as a side note pls kill me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
