i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
