Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
