I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
