You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
