you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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