he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
