I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
