It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
