Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
