I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this just has baby written all over it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
