My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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