2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
