3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
