Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
