PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
