not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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