So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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