the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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