can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
