how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
