My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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