just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
