Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize