she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
