I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A+ Viking dick
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
