Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
