I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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