I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
