Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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