$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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