whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
