I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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