Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
