After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
