WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had to cum in my sink.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
