then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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